2005-06-22 - 1:05 p.m.

Five weirdly sexy songs:

1. The Residents - Benny the Bump
One could argue that "bump" referred to in the title is intentially infused with innuendo, though it's more likely that the song invokes sexuality in order to produce a deep sense of horror (the "bump" is the malformed remains of a conjoined twin, forever attached to Benny's stomach. This may or may not be intentionally phallic). Benny fantasizes about female wrestlers, and his gutteral voice and unintelligble grunts are anything but sexual. Perhaps the driving carnivalesque rhythm is what gives this song its strange sexiness.

2. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Stagger Lee
Again, another song that invokes sexuality for a sense of horror. Antihero Stagger Lee has no qualms about randomly killing people and forcing others to engage in homosexual behavior - indeed, to someone as macho as Billy Dilly, the betrayal of his heterosexuality is even worse than his murder immidiately afterwards. Somehow, this doesn't come across as homophobic, though. As Christine points out, the video is the "gayest video ever", not in the perjorative sense of the word, but in the sense that it is extremely homoerotic - the band is flanked by young, handsome male dancers in tight jeans and t-shirts. Despite all this, Stagger Lee isn't a song about (homo)sexuality, it's a song about power, and maybe that's what makes it sexy. That, or Blixa's banshee scream at the end. Oh god.

3. Beethoven - Ode to Joy (9th Symphony, Movement 4)
Ode to Joy is quite possibly the greatest song ever written. Although it is a tribute to "brotherhood" and God's natural creation, the triumphant score has an underlying tone of divine sensuality.

4. Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath
Although the lyrics sound like they were written by that troubled kid in your Saturday night Dungeons and Dragons, the tritone is a bizzarely sexy chord. It does strange things to me, like the chord Little Pete discovered in that one episode of Pete and Pete that sapped the superpowers of Artie, the Strongest Man in the World. How's *that* for geeky?

5. Missy Elliot - Get Ur Freak On
Despite the use of "ur" (one of my least favorite words, when not used in the Bablyonian sense), and the fact that this is *supposed* to be a sexy song, this is a sexy song. Actually, what makes this a weirdly sexy song is the fact that, despite the fact that it is supposed to be sexy, it is sexy anyway. This is partially due to Elliot's great talent, and partially due to the fact that, unlike most female musicians, she is in charge of her sexuality, and enjoys it. Even famously raunchy performers like Madonna and Lil' Kim seem to be parodying an extremely male idea of what female sexuality is (especially Lil' Kim, whose lyrics are written by men), wheras Missy is *in control* and isn't afraid to speak up about her needs.