2005-06-20 - 11:37 a.m.

I'm feeling a bit down after this weekend. I was up in Maine, which was generally nice, but also rather sad, in that my grandfather is very ill. Out of everyone in the family, I am his closest "descendant", in manner, temperament and intellect - we are both quiet introverts, more given to doing the crossword than to social interaction, more given to listening than to speaking, both quiet and withdrawn but capable of sudden bursts of anger and bitter sarcasm. We both left high school for college at age sixteen, we both have the same insatiable thirst for knowledge, and we both feel as if we haven't lived up to our dreams (though I suppose I still have time). It's difficult to see him fading away so quickly. I feel as if I should have gotten to know him better, and vaguely feel as if I should somehow take his place.

So, I'm feeling down. And I'm still a bit "off" from my two weeks of insomnia and interrupted sleep. When this sort of thing happens, I try to fix the little things, rather than focus ineffectively on things I can't change. It's a classic case of displacement. Usually I clean.

I'm very tempted right now to respond to the troll on this post at Adorablog, for Adorablog is supposed to be a Nice Place for Nice People, but this would achieve nothing. Besides, Christine has already responded in typical cute and hilarious fashion.

I shouldn't fight negativity with negativity. I shouldn't let my current contemplation on mortality and my general weltschmertz make me stoop to the level of a stupid little kid with the nauseating email address of "tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk". Certainly, Adorablog did not go into her home and confront her with the chilling truth about the "gay personalities" of little penguins, and her need to respond to a cute weblog post that wasn't directed at her and that she didn't need to read shows that she has some strange social problems. The fact that she uses words like "giv", "dnt", "u" and "ur" (not the ancient Babylonian city) shows that she is a profoundly ignorant person in many ways and saddens me.

But printing out tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk in a space that is frequently indexed by Google and other search engines would be irresponsible and petty. Putting mailto tags on tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk would be incredibly childish, as spambots can pick up on such a thing very quickly. And it would be horrid if any of my dear readers were to email tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk or place her address on any mailing lists.

tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk
tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk
tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk
tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk
tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk
tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk
tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk
tracey_luvz_ronaldo@hotmail.co.uk