2005-06-07 - 7:28 p.m.

In local paper The Somerville Journal, there's an excellent feature where crazy people can call in and leave a message to be printed in the next issue. Often, people will call in and comment on a story, leaving no indication of what they are commenting on (vide the recent "Don't be in a hurry, lady, which chastises an unidentified woman for, apparantly, being in a hurry).

In the Thursday, June 6th edition, there are two remarkably crazy letters that I will reproduce here in their entireties:

"God will clap in disgust: My parents brought me up right and I'm from the old school. The old school will always be the best school. Believe me. The way things are going down today, the whole world is going down the drain as far as I am concerned. I am just waiting for God to clap his hands. Pretty soon, I think he is going to. When I see those big hands come out of the sky, I think he is getting disgusted with us. That's why there are too many hurricanes and everything else and and too many storms. I think he is about to get disgusted and clap his hands, because the world is going crazy. Believe me, it is."

"God rains on Republicans: You are wondering why we are having all this rain. I am going to tell everybody in Somerville why were are having all this rain. It has a lot to do with the Iraqi war. God is punishing us by giving us all rain. God figures Bush is the cause of the Iraqi war. Iraq is part of the Holy Land. The Holy Land where Moses got the Ten Commandments from God. If you don't believe me, you can read your Bible. That's where Moses got his Ten Commandments right there in Iraq. It wasn't Iraq billions of years ago. Right now, God is mad at us. Believe. You know the old story about 40 days and 40 nights. If Bush don't pull out of Iraq, it's going to rain until this war is over. Believe me. You heard it first. I didn't talk to God, but I know all about it. God didn't want us over there in Iraq. You may see rain maybe for the next four years. It's going to be rain and snow. You know who is to blame? Bush. He got us there in the first place. That's why I don't like Republicans. Thank you."

I'm fairly sure both these callers are the same person on account of the unlikelihoodthat two complete nutballs thinking that God gave Somerville a somewhat uncharacteristic but not unheard of month of rain would call in on the same day, not to mention the repeated mention of "believe me." Also, beyond the disbelief one would have to suspend to think that God has some petty grudge against the Boston area, it's pretty kooky to think that He, in His Infinite Wisdom, would blame Boston/Somerville for the war in Iraq. Besides, Krazy Kaller tells us to "believe" because it's in the Bible. I'm sure if you take the Bible literally, you'll find that 1. Iraq wasn't there billions of years ago, because nothing was, and 2. God totally said He'd never flood anyone again. I'm thinking he'll go for Laser Volcano next time. Also, it's completely stopped raining. I mean, I hate war and Bush as much as the next psychopath liberal, but at least I'm logical about it.