2005-05-24 - 1:14 p.m.

Well, I've finally done it: I've gone and signed up as a Neubauten supporter. I was a little hesitant, because once you strip out the live webcasts (dialup), the tour benefits (tour is over), the festival in Berlin (over, and I'm not going to Berlin) and the message boards (I hate all message boards), I've essentially paid 35 euros ($45.10 as of yesterday) for a CD. Oh, and a slick new email address to add to the collection (semiotic (at) neubauten.org, fool).

I guess my problem with joining any sort of "fandom" is that I goddamn hate fandom. On the one hand, fandom is a great way to build a community of people who share your interest(s), and it's probably no accident that the most alienated children grow up to be the most rabid fans. In fact, most of the times I've been active in particular fandoms have been times when I've felt especially lonely or depressed.

On the other hand, fandom is a great way to feel lonely, depending on how devout you are. In one's own group of non-fandom friends, you may be the Biggest Fan Ever of XYZ, but the internet makes it easy for you to find all other Biggest Fans Ever, and you realize that you're not so special after all. Also, there's the feeling of the hermit going to services - he wants to feel that he is the only one God has spoken to, and here is a group of people who believe the exact same thing. It's unnerving. The alienated fan feels the love that surrounds a Cult Figure and wants to be the focus of that love, but the Cult Figure will never speak only to them.

And it's even easier to find fans who cross the line between "fan" and "fanatic", which just makes you feel embarassed for being a fan in the first place. And if you're particularly unlucky, something you enjoy might find its way into the ultra-mainstream capitalist wasteland, which cheapens the whole experience and which lumps you in with the congregation rather than with the isolated hermits (which is not to say you should disingenuously dislike something just to be "different", it's just annoying when others assume that you say you like something only to "fit in", rather than because you have your own opinions.)

Anyway, on an only slightly related note, I've come up with five bands that I feel I should like based on my taste in music. Anyone have suggestions? Or CDs to lend me?

1. Captain Beefheart
2. Jarboe/The Swans
3. Nurse with Wound
4. Pere Ubu
5. Wu-Tang Clan

Heck, I think I'm'a go post this whole bit over in the el-jay, because no one reads this page anyway.