2005-04-27 - 4:14 p.m.

EXTRA SPECIAL #1 TOTAL RAD UPDATE!!!!! I heard from Jordy Bogguss himself (over here at my seldom-used Livejournal). This is amazing. This is even more amazing than hearing from Johnny Fly, because the Fly story is a very sad one indeed.

Mr. Bogguss pointed out that I neglected to mention that his fantasy basketball team, the Truffle Shuffle, totally won its league (n.b. I didn't mention this because I didn't know, and I didn't know because I am a crappy, half-assed researcher). Words cannot explain how overjoyed I was to hear from him, because he really is one of my favorite directors. And I have a degree in film, so I should know.

An Jordy Bogguss filmography:

Jordy Bogguss is this guy who makes short films that are posted on some site called Angry Naked Pat . Not much else is known about him, though Google would indicate that he seems to have a fantasy basketball team. He works in the genre of the 80s film, which is the finest form of narrative known to man (screw your seven aspects and three-act structures). Will you like his films? A good litmus test is to ask yourself whether you like Pokey the Penguin or not. If you do, you'll probably like these films:

• "Beer University": Corey Haim (J. Bogguss) and Corey Feldman (S. Safatar) (or maybe the other way around) are stunned when Dean Schmean (E. Roland) outlaws beer at Beer University. Can the Coreys find the "Beer Clause" and save the day? A frightening descent into nihilism, "Beer University" challenges not only traditional structures of authority, but also the mores of the counterculture.

• "Saved by the Bell Mysteries": Bogguss, Safatar and Roland provide a stunning performance by making absolutely no effort to act like Zack, Screech and Slater. In this film, Mr. Belding (J. G. Smith) warns Zack that he mustn't try to solve any more mysteries. Will this deter the #1 Mystery Solver of Bayside High from following some very obvious clues? Be ready for hilariously inappropriate profanity and a guest appearance by Dustin "Screech" Diamond.

• "Push it to Pop it": Originally a breakdancing instructional video featuring Vin Diesel, "Push it to Pop it" is *still* a breakdancing instructional video featuring Vin Diesel, only with spliced in shots of Bogguss and Safatar performing such moves as "The Stalker" and "The Phonebook". Breathtaking.

• "Like Vice, Like Versa": Following in the tradition of such films as "Big", "Vice Versa" and "Freaky Friday", "Like Vice, Like Versa" concerns a nerdy teen who switches bodies with his ultra-smooth twin brother. This film seems to address the theme of the Doppelganger, but it's more likely that each main actor plays more than one role because there's only three of them. There doesn't seem to be any explanation for why Smith and K. Bogguss play only one role each, in any case.

• "Grass Masters: Hearts of Glory": John Deere Jr. - "The Mule" (Bogguss) - must race in a lawnmower race against his father's (Roland) creation, the Tiny Robot. Safatar plays The Mule's best friend, who doesn't seem to have a name. Which is more important: his honor, or his father's love?

• "Grass Masters 2: Assignment Japanland": In the Land of the Rising Sun, The Mule (cheered on by his best friend and his father) races Dagger Fettkether - in a pavement battle! This is Bogguss's best work yet, and the scene between The Mule and John Deere Sr. is sure to go down in cinematic history.

I thought about writing an academic paper about Bogguss, but you don't want to read it and, come to think of it, I don't particularly want to write it, either. But if you've got a fast connection, these films are an engaging watch. Spread the word.