2003-01-14 - 10:02 a.m.

It was lunchtime, and all the geeks were crowded around the largest table, as college geeks tend to do. Why only at college? I don't remember this happening in high school. Then again, I spent most of high school lunch sitting at a table with Andrew Weeks, partially because we enjoyed one another's company and partially because we were too antisocial to sit with anyone else.

Anyway, it was lunchtime, and Samantha announced that she was going to get ice cream, and would anyone like a tuna melt? See, the school made grilled cheese sandwiches and tuna melts, which were nearly indistinguishable except the tuna melts had a scoop of tuna shoved somewhere in the middle. Samantha had wanted a grilled cheese, but had ended up with a tuna melt, so rather than waste food, she offered it to one of us.

However, using the strange rules of gestalt that my brain has that continue to confound psychiatrists, I put the "ice cream" and "tuna melt" statements together and answered, "I'll have an ice cream tuna melt." Which is pretty silly, becaue I loathe tuna melts and will only eat soft-serve ice cream about once a year. I had therefore obviously meant it as a joke, but Samantha came back with two vanilla ice cream cones, one of which she smashed down on top of the tuna melt.

I laughed for about five minutes and maybe fell out of my chair, I can't quite remember. Laughing that hard tends to cut off oxygen to your brain. And then, to show what a good sport I was, I took a bite of the ice cream tuna melt.

It wasn't bad, actually. Kind of like nachos with sour cream and chicken, only it was grilled cheese with ice cream and tuna. I liked them far better mixed together than I liked any combination of two. Individually, of course, they're all great ingredients, except for the soft-serve ice cream.

Ice Cream Tuna Melt: 4/5. It lost a point because it could have used some guacamole.